Mind of a fickle

This will be my last post using my Thinkpad. This will be my last post here at this office. I have returned the pda, the token and the keys. I am finally idle. I am almost free. Later I will ask my TL to remove my hp num from the alert list, so that I won't need to delete hundreds of sms by tomorrow morning. Yeah, tomorrow morning, I can finally use my last year's mother's day gift --- my camera phone. Hmmm, actually, I can use it by 6pm today. The perks of finally being free. But, I am going to miss my Thinkpad (this might be the last time I am able to use one, it'll probably be DELL or HP in the future). And I think I am going to miss coming here in this office (I will miss the Bee Hoon with the awesome chili, will miss the Chicken Chop with the delish gravy... puro food na naman). I will also miss the pda which I also used to read my ebooks (nanghiram na nga ako ng books from the library e). I will miss the alerts because probably by Friday, or the next few days, the...

Would you believe that I have been sleepless since Friday? For some reason, I get this nagging thing about my comeback to the old place. I don't know how my old officemates will react, how will they treat me, how I will get along with the new set of people and the old ones as well. Will they welcome me with open arms or will they whisper behind my back? I know that I am making a big deal out of nothing. To think that I am coming back but not sit at my old desk, not use my old hp num or desk phone. I will be the new girl once again. And, I have to prove myself all over to the people who matter and to the people who gave me another chance (even after the stunt I pulled early this year). I just wish Friday will come and go. That I will get over the fear. I've been telling myself that there's no shame. That life goes on. You win some, you lose some.

Five working days to go and I am off. By 1st of June, I will be starting work at the new place. Hmmm, actually, it's not really new. I am just going back to my previous workplace. This time focusing on what I do best and handling less responsibility. The reason I said that I am going to start being a mommy is because I felt I didn't really fulfill this responsibility well for the past year that I am with this current job. Reason being is --- I wanted to show them that I have earned the right to be in this big, glamorous company --- in the expense of my time with my hubby and kids. I worked late, I worked on weekends (may it be at home or at the office). There's this monthly preventive maintenance (which I will definitely not miss) that I have to go at 2AM (when everybody is sleeping, I am waking up to take a bath and hail a cab). I guess there's no one to blame but me. I guess it could have worked out. They gave me options 1. work from home blah blah --- I don...

I took a leave yesterday for Parent's Day at Dawter T's school. And, also to spend time with my two girls. I brought both of them plus Ate A at St. Francis. We were almost late because I had this last minute urge to trim my eyebrows (o di ba priorities!?) We arrived with time to spare. I met with Teacher Liz who was so nice and who looks like my teacher in grade school (whom I was scared of). She showed me Dawter T's report card and activity book. She said that Dawter T copes well and that she's very independent. Then, we chit chat about her other class which has this "Dennis the Menace" boy hehehe (she's half-Pinay, by the way...) I browsed through Dawter T's report card and was so pleased with her grades, especially her grades for her Chinese class. After checking out their craft projects, we then walked to the far end of the school to talk to her Chinese teacher, Cindy. She told me the same thing as Teacher Liz. Awww, I am just so proud ...

Last Thursday was Sister C 's company's movie night. Just like the other years they had it, we tagged along with her. This year's movie was Spiderman 3. (Spiderman movies hold a special memory in my heart coz Spiderman 2 was the first movie that Dawter T watched on the big screen. ) Though I missed Maging Sino Ka Man, the company, the nachos made up for it hehehe *** All day long, Mader L and I waited the work day to end because we have gimik after almost 3 years (that long, huh!) We met Mader L and Ninong Mah before 8:30 at Glutton's Bay. Then, a few minutes after, Mader M and R arrived. We have a delicious meal, the food was so good that we were silent as we ate it and I think we ate it for 20 minutes tops. (talk about gutom!) After dinner, since the girl's plan was to cap it with fondue at Haagen Dazs which didn't happen hehehe the girls just hopped to the nearest Starbucks while our hubbies went for their liters of beer at ??? (forgot the name of the bar!)...

Mother's day is around the corner. Sometimes it still left me breathless about my not so new responsibilities. Like last Sunday, with Ate A was out, I took care of the two girls one after the other. I usually do this every Sunday. But that particular day, everything seemed to go haywire. Bebi A squiggling as I try to clean her. Dawter T not listening when I cried for help to turn the water off. And that scared me to oblivion. Pre was chanting, "Patience, patience, patience". I was panicking deep inside. I have always wanted to be the perfect, hmmm, near perfect mom. The one who can multitask. The one like Mrs. Incredible? Or Mrs. Superwoman? Being a mother is tough job. Tougher than my IT job. Let's thank our mothers. For the pain of childbirth. Let's apologize. For all the pains we've caused. Let's love them more. For no reason at all.

There was this article yesterday about an HP staff who died because of stress. Her name is May . I think just last week, she blogged about how overloaded she was at work. *Kinilabutan talaga ako sa story, I felt very timely ang decision ko, not that I am comparing her work load to mine, hers was monster work load." I couldn't help but think that most of us live to work. I live in a country where the work environment is "matira matibay". We bring home work, we vpn late at night or early in the morning. We work on the weekends. We eat on our workstation or skip lunch/dinner (ouch!) to finish a deadline. I can list a hundred of things we do to abuse ourselves all for the glory of our job and money. Let's think hard if it's all worth it. Let us not end up like May. Let our boss' know that we don't live just to work for them and the company. May, may your soul rest in peace.

I am way past the attachment to the name of the company, way past of the 'benefits' the company is giving me. I am starting a long overdue career, being a MOMMY. You might shake your heads and say "not again!", "here goes the fickle minded at its best" or worst. I tried after deciding to stay on. I am not the type to dilly-dally with my work and that means staying late and working AT HOME (instead of working FROM HOME). I receive calls very early in the morning or late at night that wakes up Pre and the kids. Then, my mood gets sour because of it. That's when I had it. Finally, last monday, I brave it out and passed my resignation letter while my boss handed me my confirmation letter (the company I am working for has 1 year probationary period hahahaha). Ironic! Afterwards was a breathe of fresh air!