Mind of a fickle

(Two of my friends lost their handphones in 2006) Pre has warned me that my pants pocket is not so deep to hold my handphone as it keeps sleeping off when I am seated. But, I didn't take heed. I was busy being excited because it's just a fewhours away from New Year and I am cooking Lasagna and Crispy Chicken for the first time. We rode bus 64 from Clemenceau Avenue to Dhoby Gaut mrt because we need to pay our Citibank bills. I was holding on to my wallet, digital camera and Bebi A's towel which I wasn't able to put in Bebi A's bag. Along the "3 bus stop" ride, I even thought of calling home to make sure my kids and Ate A has arrived there safely with Sister C. But, I was sidetracked by my chitchat with Pre that when we alighted at Dhoby Gaut and felt that I was one handphone lighter, the bus was slowly pulling away. I asked Pre if we could catch a cab and try to go after the bus but he said it was too late and we should just report it to SBS. We managed to...

5 years ago... I woke up at 4AM to take a bath and wait for the make-up artist. Eddie Bruan arrived with his "showbiz" lights (as my Sister C likes to call it) and tried to make a radiant bride out of me. I was so tensed about everything and harassed Sister C in the littlest of details. I looked horrible posing for the photo coverage that my pictures ended up like I was constipated. My head just couldn't drag the 10m veil in that long Manila Cathedral aisle that it between tears, I was thinking I looked funny in the video and the pictures. (I shouldn't have listened to those people who convinced me that I can pull it off) I made a terribly long speech in the reception programme which I still fast forward when it comes to that part in our wedding video. I declared my love for you in front of God, Church, relatives and friends. We became one. And, five years ago, I was still thin. Happy Anniversary, Pre!

This year was spent with potluck dinner with families in color coded shirts, FILA sandals courtesy of a benefactor of St. Michael's Church, and two friends and their family who will be migrating down under. We came in late, as usual. Ate the sumptous buffet spread then went to mass. For the first time, since we joined in, we managed to get front row seats at the church. After that, we went back to Friend B's house to exchange gifts with our other friends and took silly 2x2/ala-Korean telenovela pictures. We went home sated and happy then woke up early to prepare for our Christmas mini-party with Pre's barkada which started at 2pm and ended at 10pm. Tiring as it was, I was contented to see my family enjoying Christmas.

We had a fight last night but you still reached out to touch my hand. You want to sleep like that since early this year --- us holding hands. It broke my heart. I hope I can tell you that I don't get mad just to have a kick out of it. I got mad because you're makulit (I had to tell you three times not to removebaby's clothes and just sleep, but everytime I look over to your bed, you are still trying to remove it...) I wish I hadn't though because you sleptwith tears in your eyes. Even if I tried to wipe them off, I know I have hurt you. I love you. And it breaks my heart to see you cry.

Last week, Pre told me that Dawter T was inquiring about marriage. I think it went something like this. "Daddy, did you and mommy get married?" "Yes," was Pre's reply. "When I grow up, will I get married also?"

Yeah, I know, I haven't been blogging. I have started a few entries but I couldn't finish most of them. My mind are just so full of thoughts about small and big decisions in our lives, trying to decide which offer to take and Christmas shopping. At least, my Christmas list is finally dwindling to zero. But, the first two still nags me. I finally gotten the courage to inform my boss about my plans to move back to my old company. Well, she just wouldn't accept it and is now trying to a lot of things to make me stay. Imagine even talking to our big boss to let me work from home. Wahhhhhhhhhhhh... Instead of making me want to stay, it made me embarassed. Quite ashamed of the hoopla my resignation is making. It's just a matter of making a choice of who to hurt, my current boss whom I only knew for six months and my old boss and colleagues whom I had 2 years worth of emotional attachment.

I am once again at a crossroad. I have my appointment letter with my previous company for a "comeback" job. Same position but lesser job scope. I would only be admistering the email. Problem is, it's also the same benefits. You've read about my rants with my not so new job. How it consumes my family time because of so many overtime work. How I need to go to the office at 2AM once a month to do preventive maintenance. It's not fit for a mommy, right? But, the benefits are excellent and honestly, I am learning a lot and as I have said before, it's my dream company. I have mixed emotions. I don't want to leave but I want to go back.